I feel so weird, signing up for a Pagan-based blog/network. Why? Because to be honest, it feels like I've sorta distanced myself from any sort of spirituality I might have, which is odd, because at the same time, I'm learning more and more about the gods and goddesses who have somehow made their presence known to me. I had a weird moment in Greek Civillization when we were going over religion, and my prof was talking about Hestia, and somehow, it hit me that what I really was was a kitchen witch (I think it was the whole "hearth" thing - my brain connected it all somehow). Problem is, I have no way to practice this at the moment. I live in residence, I'm limited to a small room that is barely enough room for my roommate and I, I can't even keep my makeup organized, let alone any sort of "magicable" things. xP An actual kitchen? There's one here... but it's shared between a hundred girls. Yeah, that'd be a great place to work. xP 

I realise there's more to kitchen witchcraft than just cooking - it's the whole "your home is your personal temple" kinda thing instead. Which again, is kinda hard at the moment for me. I have way more freedom to do what I want at home - I can't even light a candle in here (when I got home for Christmas break, I lit scented oil and candles just because I could. xPP). There's not enough room for me to do anything but read, and study Tarot (and even now, I'm feeling a less of a draw from them, and more towards runes... which means I first need to get a set. Arg). There's nothing wrong with reading - I have a very large university library at my disposal (Queen Elizabeth II library has... um... a lot of books. XD I don't remember the total, to be honest, but there's a lot-a lot of books there), but I'm starting to feel this push to put it all in action. I've been reading stuff for years, but I've never done anything about it. I'll be the first to admit that. 

I suppose it has to do with the fact that I did first start with Wicca, and was introduced to their way of doing stuff. It also took me several years to realise it wasn't for me - too structured, too formal, too... I don't know what. But so much about it is the opposite of what I am - hell, this is why I left Catholicism because of the overbearing rituals and formality (mind you, I still attend Christmas, Good Friday, and the Easter Vigil masses. Especially the Easter Vigil mass, actually. There's something so magical about that one, where the entire church is dark and quiet, and then, one by one, it gradually lights up as the flame from the Easter candle is passed around from person to person. It's a special mass. :D). When you first start with Wicca, you think that that's the only kind of Paganism there is, and then you gradually get introduced to tons and tons and tons of others that are so different, and you start to feel so bad about your ignorarance about it all.  But then, you realise that you're now in this mindset of what "witchcraft" (should it be that you are one of those people who interchange the word with Wicca - I personally am not) is supposed to be, and it's really hard to break it down to something simpler. Or at least, it is to me. I've gone from trying to memorize rituals I will never use, to just trying to be - not be a *insert random religion/spirituality here*, but just be. It's hard, really, or at least, I'm finding it so. 

Wow. I rambled about... nothing really. XD Just trying to make sense of the stuff in my brain sometimes. I get the feeling that there'll be a lot of this in this blog, so be warned. I'm sure it'll all make sense sometime. I hope. xP