Does anyone else notice how sporadically I update this place? Yeesh.

I've been having a bit of problems with my spirituality lately. The one time I try to get involved with other Pagans in my area (I went to an Imbolc group circle-thing that was held by the Pagan society at my university), I discover how disconnected I feel. I seriously felt absolutely nothing. And it worried me and sickened me, and I didn't (and still don't) understand why. So, I ran away. Decided I wanted nothing more to do with being a Pagan because obviously it didn't fit, and happily became something of a heretical Christian. Yeah, like that was going to last. XD The tide's turned again, and I'm back here, back at the beginning. And I am sick and tired of this constant back and forthing. I really am.

I suppose the easiest way to deal with this would be to just give up entirely, but the fact that there's that little spark in me going, "you need this. You need that something other to believe in", that's the only thing that's keeping me searching.

So I'm working my way from the ground up once more. I'm really honestly hoping that this is going to be the last time, that I'm going to find a place that I'll settle into and feel okay. That whole Imbolc experience made me realise, however, that I'm not ready or meant to do group work. That was just impossibly strange, and upsetting.

So here I am. I'm a Seeker, once more, and I've come back to rebuild and really, I hope to figure out what I am, and how to make it all fit together. Well, at least I've learned something over the last few years and maybe, just maybe, it's all going to work this time.

Even if I have to create my own path and tradition to make it work. Hey, if I can't find something that fits, I'll build it myself.

(And for something completely unrelated, since I've last updated this blog, I've turned 21. I also think I may need to update my little sidebar there. XD)