I think part of the problem in trying to figure out where I belong is the fact that this is totally solitary. In the long run, I don't answer to anyone but myself and whichever Gods want to make themselves part of my life. I don't belong to a community, and there's no one really to turn to. Because of this, there's no real drive to find where I fit anymore.

Okay, sure, I'm some form of kitchen witch. I prefer to be less ceremonial and more simplistic in my magical workings (and the fact that nearly every one of my six or seven spells I've ever done have had some sort of positive turnout says something to me that I'm doing something right). I don't like the idea of being eclectic - while I feel very much at home in the Germanic pantheon (despite having a Newfoundland background, which is a bit more Irish/English in its roots, and having some strange experiences with the Gnostic Christian pantheon as well), I don't want to mix anything - I want to get it right the first time. I hate flip-flopping, I hate not being sure what I am anymore.

Marion Zimmer Bradley got it right when she said that "Christianity is too simple" - because it is. All you have to believe is that Jesus is the Saviour of you and the entire world, and that you're sorry for what you've done, and vow to carry on a more Christ-like life, and boom - you're done. You're a Christian then. Paganism, especially eclectic Paganism, is near impossible to work with. There's no way of working without sounding entirely ignorant at more than one point. There's so much information to sort through and try to figure out what applies to you and what doesn't, and when you don't know where to start, well, it's even harder.

Today is the Autumn Equinox - a change over in the seasons. I officially consider this as the true beginning of my year and a day (why that? Why not? XD) spiritual journey - by this time next year, I hope I'm somewhat more sorted out as to what I believe. I hope that there's no more flip-flopping, that I've found something to ground myself in, and that I can officially stop being a wanderer. I just want something real. That's all. I have no problem working on my own for it - I'm the loner sort anyway, but it's the fact that I can't figure out where I fit that's getting on my nerves. I'm not content with where I am.

So yeah. This next year is going to be filled with lots of research, and introspection, and hopefully, it should all work out for the best.

Just some rambling from me - I'm trying to work things out right now, and this is the first time that I've sat down and tried to get out my thoughts out in typing.